


Treacherous Waters

by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse)



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 04:30:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vera_DragonMuse/pseuds/Vera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Throughout his life Fili is plagued with visions of the future that he cannot change. </p><p>A prompt fill for my beloved Bettiebloodshed. The original prompt contains vague spoilers and can be found here: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/2235.html?thread=2387387t2387387</p>
            </blockquote>





	Treacherous Waters

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Major Character Death

“Make another loaf of bread, Mama.” Fili instructed one sunny afternoon. 

“You cannot eat a whole loaf on your own, little one.” She dabbed his nose with a bit of flour. They were elbow to elbow at the countertop though Fili stood on stool. His hair was held back with one of her clasps and a discarded tunic of his father’s served as apron. 

“But Uncle can.” He rubbed at his nose with a grin. 

“Thorin isn’t coming until next month.” She reminded him. “Now watch how thin to roll it.” 

“He’s coming today.” Fili corrected, following the motion of her hands.

“Don’t be silly.” She sprinkled nuts and cheese into the folds of their dough. “Go wash up and wake your brother from his nap or he’ll never sleep tonight.” 

Fili hopped off the the stool and went to the basin. The flour on his hands clouded the cool water. With interest, he watched the milky liquid slosh and sure enough, there was Uncle astride his pony and making his way down the Western Road. 

“He’ll be here before supper.” Fili said, but his mother didn’t hear him. She went on about her task. 

Drying his hands, Fili went to their room. Kili was tucked up in his bed, tumbled curls around his face. He looked very small in the sheets. Fili shook him gently. 

“Get up now.” Fili whispered. “Uncle’s coming today.” 

“Mama said he wouldn’t be here for ages.” Kili protested, a wide yawn cracking through him. He stretched and then curled up again, this time around Fili. “Don’t want to get up.” 

“You’d sleep through anything.” Fili complained, ruffling Kili’s hair. “Do you want to be caught out snoring when Papa comes home?” 

“Can’t we stay here a minute longer?” Kili moved closer, his head firmly in Fili’s lap. “Just a little while longer.” 

“Just a minute.” He agreed. After all Kili was warm and the bed comfortable. They drowsed together, Fili’s hand tangled in Kili’s hair. 

Sometimes Fili looked back on that pleasant sleepy half-hour as the last truly peaceful time in his life. It’s an exaggeration, of course, but he still liked to remember it that way. How innocent they had been. How free. 

“Where are my boys?” Papa’s voice roused them, the door thudding open. 

They jumped out of bed, rushing to the door to present themselves. Their father smiled at them, leaning down to picked them both up. He smelled of hard work and the metal tang of the forge. Their mother came in and they kissed over Kili’s head. 

“Something smells good.” Papa rumbled. 

“I helped bake sweet bread.” Fili announced with pride. 

“Did you now? And what other work have you managed?” Papa carried them to the big chair by the fire and listened as they both tried to tell him about their day at once. 

The knock at the door startled all of them, but Fili. 

“That’s Uncle.” He decreed, clamoring off Papa’s lap to answer the door. “I told Mama he was coming.” 

“It’s probably Nain with the post.” Mama corrected. 

Fili swung the door open. 

“Well met, little sir.” Thorin grinned down at Fili. “What are you about answering the door without asking who stands behind it?” 

“Mahal’s word.” His mother gasped. “Thorin, he knew it was you.” 

“Have a peek out the window, lad?” Thorin asked. 

“No. He told me you were coming.” She knelt by Fili’s side, cupping his cheeks in her palm. “How did you know?” 

“I saw it.” He squirmed under her attention. “In the water.” 

“What water? When?” She pressed. 

“In the basin when I washed the dirt off my hands from building castles.” He looked anxiously between her and Papa, who was holding on to Kili as if they were under attack. 

“Have you seen other things like that?” When he didn’t answer right away, she shook him a little, “What have you seen?” 

“Nothing!” He protested, addled by the sudden fervor. “Only shadows and things.” 

“Sister, you know what this is.” Thorin sounded very grave and Fili’s stomach cramped nervously. 

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked. “I can stop, I didn’t mean to, it just happened.” 

“Be calm, lad.” Thorin sat a hand on his shoulder. “It has been many generations since one of our line was so gifted.” 

“What kind of a gift would you call this?” Mama drew Fili into her arms and he clung back to her in his fear. 

“Forewarning would have saved many not long ago.” Thorin looked away. 

“What is it?” Fili pleaded. “What’s wrong with me?” 

“Nothing is wrong with you.” That was Papa, his low voice closer now. “This you had from my mother’s mother. Though they called it neither blessing nor curse, only _saefor_ , the Water’s Sight. In Erebor, you would be revered and feared. It does not often come in youth and when it does, it means that it will run strong. Once you would have been trained by an elder _saewatch_ , but it is not to be now. We thought them gone with our homeland.” 

“It’s just pictures.” Fili buried his face in his mother’s neck. “Only pictures.” 

“Don’t cry.” Kili wormed his way under their mother’s arm to put his own around Fili. 

“I’m not crying.” He protested. 

“No one’s crying.” Papa declared. “We’re going to dry our faces and have a bit of dinner. Nothing to be done about it tonight.” 

“That’s true.” Mama released him reluctantly, brushing a kiss over his forehead. “Everything will be fine.” 

Only Kili stayed with him, small hand in his as the adults made a lot of noise to cover the silence. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Kili leaned his head on Fili’s shoulder. “Still my Fili.” 

“Yours?” Fili swallowed hard. “I think I belong to myself.” 

“Nuh uh. Mine. My brother. My Fili.” 

As the years rolled on, Fili learned the ins and outs of _saefor_ with no other teacher, but himself. It was Kili that stayed ever by his side and kept him sane. If Fili wanted to practice, it was with Kili not far away to break him out of his trance when it went on too long. If he saw something that troubled him, it was Kili who made him write it down until it no longer seemed so terrible. And if someone gave Fili any trouble over his abilities, it was Kili who ran them off. Fili could have protected himself, but it was fun to watch his smaller brother frighten a grown man with nothing more than words and ferocity. 

The first time he really tried the outcome of a vision, it was because he saw his father getting burned at the forge. He convinced Papa to stay home that day, but on the next, he went to work and came back with the nasty burn. It looked just the same as it had in the vision, despite the passage of time and Fili’s many warnings. 

“What’s the point of it?” Fili complained as he bound Papa’s arm in cool salve and rough linens. “Why do I see it if I cannot prevent it?” 

“So you can prepare for it.” Papa told him. “See how you were able to take care of me?” 

The question lingered with Fili, his father’s answer not nearly satisfying enough. There were no more _saewatch_ left to guide him, no books from Erebor’s great libraries to offer advice. He had only the visions and the hopeful answers of his parents. 

“I think that you can change them.” 

And Kili. Always Kili. 

“I can’t!” Fili threw a pillow at him. Their beds were separated by only a few feet and Fili’s aim was true. Kili squawked a protest and lobbed the missile back. “I’ve tried, I told you.” 

“I know, but maybe it hasn’t been the right time yet.” Kili followed after the pillow, worming into bed beside Fili. “Maybe there’s a trick to knowing when it’s a warning and when it’s fate.” 

“Don’t you dare fall asleep here.” Fili warned, even as he buried his nose in Kili’s hair. They were really too old be carrying on like this. “Think about what Mama will say in the morning.” 

“I’ll tell her I had a bad dream.” 

“She’ll say you’re old enough to go back to your own bed.” 

“Let her say it.” Kili yawned. “We know the truth.” 

“That’s just it though.” He waited to say until he was sure Kili was asleep. “The truth knows me, not the other way round.” 

Uneasily, Fili grew into maturity. The first coarse hairs appeared on his chin, chest and legs. He woke often from formless dreams of desire, sweating and uncomfortable. Something bit at him, tearing at his muscle and bones until he became irritable and short tempered. The visions became more vivid and lucid. There were ten terrible months where he bathed with his eyes squeezed shut to avoid the silent horrors dancing in the water. 

“You look ridiculous.” Kili told him as he splashed into the tub beside him. They were too old to share a tub, but they both still fit and neither could be bothered to wait. “This has gone on too long.” 

“You’re the only one who can see me.” Fili scrubbed ruthlessly at his arms and legs, finding the grainy homemade soap with a groping hand. 

“You’ll slip getting in or out one of these days and break your neck.” Kili took the soap from him. “Turn about, I’ll do your back.” 

“I don’t care.” He grumbled, moving cautiously around so as not to kick his brother. 

“Oi!” Kili pulled at one of Fili’s braids with a sharp painful tug. “You care. Don’t talk nonsense.” 

“You don’t know what I see.” 

“I would if you just told me.” Kili’s hands turned gentle as he ran soap over Fili’s skin. “What’s plaguing you?” 

“It’s the same thing over and over again.” Fili gripped the sides of the tub. “I can’t...if I don’t say it then it won’t be true.” 

“You know that isn’t how it works.” Kili chided. “Come on then, let’s hear it.” 

_There’s a mountain,_ He almost said, _the largest one I’ve ever seen and I know in my heart that it is our Erebor. Lying at the foot of that mountain is a battlefield vast and bloody. Already the wolves and crows have come to pick at the bones and blood. Few move among the remains, checking beneath this and that helm. At the center of it all, lies Thorin and his eyes are on the mountain. Unblinking in death. And at his side, my dear brother, that is where we lie. Separated by only inches, we are gone from this earth. That is what I see in our warm bath. The end of us._

“I can’t.” He said instead. 

“What could be so horrible that you can’t speak of it?” Kili ran water over Fili’s back. 

“Don’t ask me.” Fili begged. “Please.” 

“You’re scaring me.” 

“I’d rather you be scared than know.” Reaching for the edge of the tub, Fili hauled himself out. Free of the water, he took up his towel and fled. 

He should have known that Kili wouldn’t let it rest there. For a fortnight, nothing was said, but he would catch Kili looking at him thoughtfully. He braced himself, ready for whatever was to come. He didn’t expect Kili to set down his sword in the middle of practice and say, 

“Let’s go down to the river.” As if that was the solution to any problem they’d ever had. 

“If you like.” Shrugging off his leather jerkin, Fili followed gamely along.

There were a few human women lingering on the shore, doing their washing and a tumble of children leaping in and out. Kili took it in, then walked on. 

“Getting shy?” Fili teased. 

“No, but I don’t want to bother with keeping on a weskit to please some stupid idea of modesty.” 

They walked along the shore. The moving water was far less dangerous to Fili. Whatever attempted to reveal itself along the surface of the water was carried swiftly away with the current. Realization sunk in. 

“Clever.” He snorted. “Take me to bathe where there’s little danger of catching a vision. Isn’t our tub at home nicer?” 

“Not if it makes you too afraid to open your eyes.” Kili caught up Fili’s hand in his own. “You used to enjoy things. I remember when you smiled all the time. Whatever you see there, it’s turning you into a stranger. I won’t let it take you.” 

“Don’t carry on.” Fili squeezed Kili’s hand reassuringly. “It’s not like that. I’m just growing up. Give it a year or two and you’ll see.” 

“Don’t think I will.” Kili grumbled, but seemed appeased. “Look, it’s nice and clear here.” 

They shed their clothes in the shade of an ancient twisted oak then jumped together into the freezing currant. For the first time in months, Fili enjoyed the cascade of water on his skin. Without fear, he soaked his hair and rose from the depths with a smile. Kili returned his grin twofold. They swam until their teeth chattered and Kili’s lips began to turn blue. 

“Out with you.” Fili barked when he saw them, ashamed he hadn’t kept a better eye on him. “You’ll freeze through if you stay in any longer.” 

“I’m fine.” Kili denied, even as he emerged to lounge on a flat rock like a lizard. Fili spread out next to him. 

“This was a good idea.” He admitted. 

“I’m brilliant!” Kiii decreed to the birds in the trees. 

“Sometimes I feel as though you’re the eldest and I the younger.” The confession came forward without his permission. “Shouldn’t I be the one caring for you?” 

“You take care of me all the time.” Kili sounded as shocked as if Fili had suggested they should take wing along with the swallows. 

“But I’m so...” He waved in the general direction of his head. 

“Stop it. You’re looking for me to say pretty things about you to puff you up and I won’t do it.” Kili elbowed him. “You’re my older brother. Sometimes you need someone to remind you that everything isn’t doom or gloom that’s all.” 

“If you say so.” Fili closed his eyes against the sun. “Thrane.” 

“Oh, Fili, no!” Kili whined. “Not right now!” 

“When better? This is how I take care of you.” 

“But it’s stupid.” 

“Of course it’s stupid. Traditions usually are, but they’re also important. So. Thrane.” 

“I hate you.” Kili declared. “Fine. Thrane, who killed a boar with his hands, married Gini. They had two children Ain and Dain....” 

They spent the afternoon quizzing each other on their lineage until the sun slid away and sent them skittering back to their clothes. It happened when Fili was pulling on his boots. He hopped on one foot, tugging a little when a flicker on the shore caught his eye. And it wasn’t bloodstained. Hardly daring to hope, he approached slowly. 

“Mahal save me.” He back away as quickly as he approached it. 

“What is it?” Kili laid a hand on his arm. “The bad one?” 

“No.” Fili laughed painfully. “No...no. Something else.” 

_I see you, my brother. I see all of you spread before me and you are older. There’s hair on your chest and your legs are no longer skinny, but thick and strong. How many years does it take for that to happen? Six? Ten? And I’m lying beside you. I’m kissing you, my hands on your body. Is that better or worse than seeing our shared death?_

“Fili! Fili? Are you going to be sick?” 

“No.” Fili denied. Then he turned his head and threw up. 

The bloody vision retreated after that. In it’s place were dozens of new visions. In each of them there was Kili and there was himself. And they were very inventive. The good thing was that Fili didn’t have to keep his eyes shut tight in the bath any more. The bad thing was that he had a hard time making eye contact with his brother. 

“Why aren’t you out with Kili?” His mother asked him. 

“You asked me to help you.” He wiped sweat away from his brow. It was sinking into Autumn now and Mama had begun winter preparations in earnest. The pot that he labored over would provide them redberry jam late in the bleak months. 

“I only needed you for an hour or two. Usually you’d be gone the minute the first task was completed.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Have you been fighting with him?” 

“No.” He grumbled. “Nothing like that.” 

“Well, you’ve worked yourself into frenzy about something.” She took the wooden spoon from him. “I said nothing when you became short with me and your father. We remember how it was to be young, but you mustn't take it out on Kili. He doesn’t know about that itch that gets under your skin.” 

“I’m not.” He protested weakly, cheeks aflame. 

“Then why does he look at you like you broke his heart?” She pointed the spoon at him, a little threateningly. “Go out to the range and be good to your brother. He thinks you’re the world, you know.” 

“The buns are going to burn.” He said sullenly. “I saw it in the jam.” 

“Lovely. I’ll make dough for a second batch. Off you go then.” 

“Mama-” 

“Go.” 

He slunk off, thoroughly chastened, but with no idea how to make up to Kili. They hadn’t fought really or said anything unkind to each other. But Fili knew his brother was worried and hurt about how he’d drawn away. All the way down to Kili’s makeshift range, he tried to come up with an excuse, some easy lie that would settle what had gone wrong. 

When he reached the stand of trees, nothing had come to him. He lingered a dozen feet back, watching Kili’s easy grace as he plucked an arrow from his quiver, nocked it and let loose to pin this leaf or that. It was beautiful. Fili’s chest tightened without warning, heat pooling in his belly.

 _Too late._ He realized all at once as he drank in the sight. _Oh Mahal, it’s all too late. I fell in love with him while I was busy not looking. Foolish child. Always trying to run from a fate that can’t be changed._

“You’re dropping your elbow.” He said instead of the thousand other clamoring words. 

“Lies.” Kili didn’t look over at him, only aimed carefully and released. The arrow shot neatly into the trunk of the tree. Only then did Kili condescend to set down his bow. “Did Mama send you away then?” 

“We finished.” He forced himself to look at Kili, to take in the sharp angles of his face and the fine first shadow of what would one day be a dark beard. Kili’s eyes were on him, dark and serious as an oncoming storm. “I wanted- I need to tell you something.” 

“I’m listening.” Kili said cautiously. 

“If I’ve been...If I haven’t been myself it isn’t because of you.” His hands clenched together behind his back. “You’ve done nothing. It’s...there’s something wrong with me, I think. Something vile. I don’t want it to touch you.” 

“What are you talking about?” Kili closed the distance between him, all pretense of indifference washed away. “What illness plagues you?” 

“I’ve seen myself. Doing things to you.” The words swelled his throat, cutting off his air. “And it’s wrong and horrid, but it will happen, won’t it? Because it always does. I’m going to ruin you.” 

“You’re not making any sense.” Kili grasped at his shoulders. “What are you going to do?” 

“I can’t-” He denied, but he watched Kili’s expression close off and knew that he must. Either way he would lose Kili. Better to be honest and bleeding than lying and frozen. “It started not long ago. I see us. We’re in bed. I keep...touching you. Kissing you.” 

“Oh.” Kili blinked rapidly though his grip on Fili’s shoulders didn’t slacken. “I- really? Why?” 

“I don’t know.” He hung his head in shame. “It’s not something I want to see, not who I want to become. How can I protect you from myself? I should leave. Uncle would have me for another set of hands if nothing else. I can’t do things to you if I’m not by your side.” 

Kili was quiet for a long time, holding Fili firmly in place. His expression was unreadable, but Fili took the time to study it anyway. He committed the details to memory, storing them up for their now inevitable separation. 

“When you see it, how do I look?” Kili asked at last. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Am I happy?” 

The question pricked at Fili’s throat, “I don’t....I wasn’t looking for that.” 

“Look now.” With a surprisingly strong push, Kili got them both walking towards a mud puddle. 

“Please, no.” Fili’s face burned. “I know what’s there.” 

“No, you don’t because you can’t answer my question.” Kili pointed to the puddle. “Look.” 

Bracing himself, Fili looked. 

_It wasn’t too bad this time. They weren’t in a bed for one and they were mostly clothed for another. Kili was straddling his lap as they sat at the foot of a great tree. He had his hands in Fili’s hair though if he was braiding or just making a mess wasn’t clear._

_They were laughing. Kili’s shoulders shook, even as Fili’s hand came down to knead at his ass. When Fili brushed his lips over Kili’s neck, Kili’s hands went to his shoulders and a pleased smile danced over his lips._

“You’re happy.” Fili concluded with no small amount of surprise. 

“That’s what I thought.” Kili wrapped his fingers around Fili’s wrist, possessive and proud. “You’ve always been mine. Run if you must, but it won’t matter. I’ll catch up eventually.” 

“You can’t want this.” He gestured feebly at the puddle. “You’re too young to want anything.” 

“I’ve always known my mind.” Kili brushed a kiss over Fili’s cheek. “Maybe that isn’t us today, but it will be one day. I look forward to it.” 

“It’s mad.” He protested a last time. 

“It isn’t.” Kili kissed his cheek once more before retreating. “It’s us.” 

Fili did not leave. Instead, he endured the pleasant torture of the wait. With the surety that the visions would come to pass, especially fueled by Kili’s determination, he let go of trying to prevent it. As if they had done what they meant to do, the pictures of them together disappeared entirely. What came to him now was the old parade of inanities: visitors, minor injuries and weather reports. 

Without quite noticing it, Fili grew up. His stubble became a real beard, he took on more work until the coins he brought in were creating real comfort rather than an extra pittance and he could dual wield the heavy swords his father had kept stowed away for him. 

When Thorin came back from a long walking trip, Fili greeted him at the door with a proper bow and Thorin drew him in for a tight hug. 

“I’m proud of you, lad.” Thorin held him out at arm’s length to look him over. “You’re nearly a proper dwarf these days.” 

“And what does that make me?” Kili asked with a laugh as he came up behind his brother. 

“Too tall, an archer and no beard yet to speak of?” Thorin laughed. “If I didn’t know better, I’d call you elven, sister-son. But I remember another lad who stood as you did once. I don’t think I rightly grew a beard until I was sixty.” 

“I’m already fifty.” Kili’s eyes widened in horror. “Will I have to wait another ten years?” 

“Don’t carry on.” Fili elbowed him, grinning. “No one’ll tease you for it if I’m about.” 

Later, after one too many ales and in the privacy of their bedroom, Kili asked him mournfully, 

“In your visions, did I have a beard? Only ten years is unbearably far away.”

“No. You were still like this.” Fili scrubbed a hand over Kili’s rough stubble, then pushed him towards his bed. “It won’t grow faster complaining about it.” 

“Not what I was complaining about.” Kili went, but in a last, surprisingly coordinated move, he managed to grab onto Fili and tumble them both onto the bed. “I’m being very patient, you know.” 

“I know.” Fili shifted under Kili’s weight, finding a comfortable way to lie when it became clear that he wouldn’t be released without a fight. 

“I’m old enough to know my mind.” 

“But not to hold your drink.” 

“If that’s what you’re waiting then it will never happen.” Kili groaned. “I’ve got Papa’s stomach.” 

“Go to sleep.” Fili ordered, rubbing at Kili’s back. “You’ll feel better for a few hours of it.” 

“No, I won’t.” The grumble was the last thing out of Kili’s mouth before he fell asleep. 

Under Fili’s hand, Kili’s shoulders were broad and strong. His hair was thick not only on his head, but on his chest, belly and legs. At fifty, a wealthy young dwarf might already be considering a dalliance or two, perhaps working his way up to finding a bride. Kili was no child to be coddled, perhaps never had been. He’d grown up too fast trying to keep up, trying to protect Fili from that other invisible world from which there was no true shield. 

“All right then.” Fili murmured, rubbing circles between Kili’s shoulders. “All right.” 

When Kili woke in the morning, Fili was sitting against the headboard ready with a cool cup of water. Kili drank it, eyes still half-shuttered, then set his head back on Fili’s lap. With a smile, Fili set his fingers to the back of Kili’s neck, rubbing away the headache that was doubtless brewing. 

“Did you stay with me all night?” Kili’s throat rumbled over Fili’s thigh. 

“Aye. Where else would I go?” 

“You’ve got a bed of your own to kip on that doesn’t reek of hops.” 

“I prefer this one. It smells, but the company is good.” 

“I didn’t make a fool of myself, did I?” 

“No. You were merry enough for three, but no one noticed. Mama, Papa and Uncle will all be nursing their own headaches about now.” 

“But not you.” 

“Not me.” Fili agreed.

“You never drink much.” 

“It’s bad enough seeing things in water. Can you imagine being drunk and watching things play out in your ale mug? I’ve done it. I prefer sobriety.” 

“No one prefers sobriety.” Kili accused, his breath hot and damp through Fili’s breeches. 

“I do.” Fili laughed. “Now up with you. You’ll have to piss and wash your face before you can get any more sleep.” 

“Is there time for more?” Kili looked up blearily. 

“The sun hasn’t risen yet. I think you can steal another hour.” 

“Why aren’t you asleep then?” Heaving himself upright, Kili studied Fili’s face. “Bad dreams?” 

“No, just wasn’t tired.” Fili nodded at the door. “Go on then.” 

Reluctantly, Kili went. In his absence, Fili remade the bed and lit a candle. The bright flame chased away the shadows and the night’s staleness. Then he returned to Kili’s bed, leaning again on the headboard. He didn’t have to wait long for Kili to return, looking much better for his splash in the basin. Pausing in the doorway, Kili took in the scene. 

“Don’t gawk.” Fili chided. “Come here.” 

As if pulled along by the words, Kili went to Fili’s side. He dropped to his knees next to the bed and took one of Fili’s hands in both his own. He laid a kiss across the knuckles, then turned it over and put another in the middle of Fili’s palm. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, even as he set another kiss on Fili’s wrist. 

“I think I’m meant to be asking you that.” Wrapping his hand around Kili’s neck, Fili drew him up. “You can still say no. You’re the one always telling me that the visions don’t have to come true.” 

“I still believe that.” With care as if the privilege might be taken from him, Kili straddled Fili’s lap without quite touching him. “But this? I would never say no to this.” 

“Good.” Fili cupped the beloved face and guided it down to his own. He rubbed their noses together. “That’s good.” 

Kili kissed the way he fought: passionately, precisely and without mercy. And just as in sparring, Fili met him blow for blow. The candle sparked light in their hair as they tumbled together. Through it all, Kili’s smile curved against Fili’s, the vision’s promise of happiness well-fulfilled. 

They had three months together, untroubled and fresh. Every secret moment found them together, learning the taste of skin and the sounds of pleasure. Fili grew drunk on it, head spinning with the easy joy. Every time he caught Kili’s warm looks or found a hand trailing languid over his shoulders, Fili’s heartbeat quickened and his flesh tingled. 

Three months, they were still like children at play. 

Three months, they had to love each other without complication. 

Then the news came. 

“Post for you, boys.” Their mother called out when they came home from the forge. “I left it on the table. Looks to be from your Uncle!” 

The letter, cream colored and innocent, lay before them. 

“I open it.” Fili said quietly. “I read it. We’re happy, but scared too.” 

“Why?” Kili picked it up off the table. “What does it say?” 

“I don’t know. That’s all I saw this afternoon before you soaked your head in the barrel.” Fili’s smile was a weak shadow of it’s usual self. 

“Look here.” Kili got out a knife from his boot and slit the top of the envelope. “See? Didn’t I tell you that you could change the vision. I’ve opened it.” 

“Your hand is bleeding.” Fili pointed out. 

“Durin’s Teeth!” Kili stuck the end of his finger in his mouth. “How did that happen?” 

“Aren’t you going to open that?” Their mother came in from the kitchen. 

“Yes, Mama.” Fili rescued the post from his brother’s hand and slide the letter out. He didn’t bother saying ‘I told you so’. After all, hadn’t he hoped for a moment that it would be true? “It is from Uncle.” 

_I open the letter,_ he scanned the lines even as the vision returned to him, _and what I told you was nearly a lie. It is you who are happy and I who look afraid. I set down the post and I let Mama embrace us both, but you pull back and I linger. Taking comfort._

“Erebor. He means to retake it.” He read out the letter in a measured voice. “And he wants us to come with him.” 

“That my children should return to the mountain.” Their mother drew them both in with tears pouring down her face. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” 

He hugged his mother closer as Kili slipped away with whoop of pure excitement. The news spread all too quickly and the night turned into a raucous party with every dwarf in the city. Fili slipped away when it was clear no one would notice his parting. He walked through the streets until he reached the river. The waters swept by him until gaining some courage, he stooped down and cupped his hands together. 

“Show me.” He demanded. 

The water stood still and quiet in his hands. 

“Show me!” 

Nothing. 

He took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. 

“Mahal, who gave this vision to me, I beg your help. Show me that I can change this fate.” The water stirred uneasily in his hands, shaken by some unseen wind. “What am I meant to do? Have you given me this only to watch me march placidly to my death? I would not mind so much if it were only me, but must I watch my family, my lover be slaughtered too?” 

Almost reluctantly, the vision floated over his fingers. Though he had not seen it in many years, he had not forgotten a single detail. The way Kili’s neck lay at an unnatural angle or how their hands had fallen near to each other as if reaching out even in death. Nothing had changed. The water leaked through his fingers back into the river. He pressed his damp hands to his face. 

“What are you doing out here?” Kili’s boots crunched through the undergrowth, half-running as he came to Fili’s side. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” 

“You were enjoying yourself.” 

“And you weren’t?” Kili put a hand on his shoulder, drawing him up and away from the river. “What is it?” 

“Do you remember when I couldn’t look in the water?” 

“Unforgettable.” Kili snorted. “You should have seen yourself. Fumbling with soap and missing half your dirty spots.” 

“What I saw, what I didn’t want to see...it happens at Erebor.” He looked back at the river. It held its secrets.  
“Will you tell me what it was? Do we fail?” 

“This is one that I must keep to myself.” 

“How can I help you bare the load if I cannot share it.” Kili growled. “Why must you always play this game?” 

“It’s no game!” Fili stepped away from him, furious all at once. “Do you think I find this fun? That I take some delight in keeping secrets from you? I hate every vision I have. I hate that they take from me all the simple surprise of a normal life and give me nothing in return.” 

“Not nothing.” Kili swallowed. “Don’t say that.” 

“That’s not what I-” Fili cut himself off. “I didn’t need the sight to wind up in your bed. I would always have loved you.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“Oh, but I do. Here,” he thumped his own chest hard, “I know it like I know my name and the path of the sun through the day. No cursed _saefor_ brought us together.” 

“I don’t think it’s a game.” Kili relaxed a little, his shoulders loosening. “But you make it very difficult sometimes.” 

“Try being me for a while and see how easy it is.” He smiled thinly. “It doesn’t matter. The vision. I’ll find a way to change it.” 

“I thought there was no way?” Kili waggled the now bandaged finger at him. 

“There must be.” He reached out for Kili, opening his arms to him. With a soft hurt sound, Kili came and held him tight. “I cannot bear this if there isn’t.” 

Kili asked no more questions that night. They stayed by the river for a long time, the desperate embrace turning into something sweeter as the moon climbed upwards. Morning found them still entwined on the riverbank, brushing dirt from each other with laughter. Fili thrust the vision away for the time being. There were more immediate concerns like packing and taking their leave of their parents with what felt like a thousand goodbyes. 

At the last of it, Papa laid his hands on both their head and asked Mahal to bless them, 

“Keep their blades sharp, their courage strong and their eyes keen.” He intoned. “And most of all, keep them safe from those that would seek to harm them.” 

“Mahal bless.” Mama exhaled. “Go now, before you see your mother cry.” 

They left together, boots falling in time. Together they turned back for one last wave and then the world unfurled before them. Before long they were at the hobbit’s tidy home, surrounded by their kin. It was a good night, but Fili dreaded the inevitable. 

“I would speak with you, sister-son.” Thorin pinned him with a look as the others found quiet crevices to tuck themselves into. 

“Yes, Uncle.” He waited as Dwalin filled a heavy bowl with cool well water and set it in front of him. 

“Tell us, _saewatch_ , what lies in store for our quest?” Thorin intoned, pushing a gold coin towards Fili. It was tradition to pay, but the sight of the coin made Fili’s stomach turn. It was Kili who took it up and tucked it into Fili’s purse. 

“Give me a moment.” He set his hands flat on either side of the bowl and took several steadying breaths. The water rippled for him as if it knew they had an audience. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Gandalf ducked his head into the room with a scowl. “I did not take you all for superstitious fortunetelling.” 

“He has _saefor_.” Thorin didn’t look up at Gandalf, but kept his eyes hard on Fili’s face. “We need every advantage we can get.” 

“Does he now?” Gandalf passed a hand over the bowl and all went dark. “And what good do you think it will do to have him read what cannot be changed?” 

“Forwarned is forearmed!” Dwalin growled. “What would you have us do?” 

“Not tax the only one among you with any sense! Come, Fili. Walk with me.” 

Fili glanced at Thorin, who after a long pause nodded assent. He followed the wizard out onto the front step. Kili tried to come with them, but Gandalf contrived to shut the door in his face. The wizard led him down to the bench at the end of the path, sitting down slowly as though his bones ached. Reluctantly, Fili sat down beside him. The night was warm, but he felt chilled down to his bones. 

“How long have you been able to read signs in the water?” Gandalf filled his pipe with care.

“All my life.” 

“And what do you make of it?” 

Fili looked down at his hands. Gandalf snorted, 

“No need to be delicate to spare my feelings. Future sight is a power I neither possess nor desire.” 

“It’s a curse.” Fili locked his hands together. “Even as they celebrate, I know what this journey will cost us.”

“The future is not set in stone. Whatever you have seen, it does not have to come to pass.” 

“How do I change it?” He glanced at Gandalf, who looked sincere enough. “What do I do?” 

“That I cannot speak to, but there is one still living that may wish to have counsel with you.” Gandalf laid a hand on Fili’s shoulder. “Can you keep a secret?” 

“Can I?” Fili laughed, broken and bitter. “Sometimes I think that’s all I do.” 

Some minutes later, Gandalf rose and headed back inside. Fili stayed on the bench, watching the empty road and the rolling fields beyond. 

“What did he say to you?” Kili asked, sliding an arm around Fili’s shoulders. 

“Only to keep my sight to myself.” Fili rested his head on Kili’s stomach. “He doesn’t think it will do us any good.” 

“Then his instructions follow your natural desires.” Kili pulled playfully at one of Fili’s braids. “That must have pleased you.” 

“None of it pleases me.” 

“What about a bed? Would that suit you?” Kili teased. “Because I found a palette in a backroom the others neglected. We can sleep on featherdown one last time before it’s all grass and rock.” 

“You mean we can have a last tumble before we’re forced to seek each other for bare stolen moments.” Fili hoisted himself up. “And I would say that pleases me very much.” 

The journey started well, but a hard knot stayed always in Fili’s chest. 

“How is it,” Bilbo asked him one night as they sat watch near the fire, “that you are never afraid?” 

“What do I have to fear?” He asked, confused. Kili slumbered with his head in Fili’s lap, still very much alive. 

“Everything?” Bilbo laughed. “I’m afraid to open my eyes in the morning lest I find we’ve been eaten by voracious elk.” 

“I have never seen an elk so much as nibble on a dwarf, but I would like to see one try.” He grinned. “I think they’d find us rather tougher than our usual fare.” 

“Just a bit, yes. I mean it though, you never do seem afraid.” 

What would a hobbit know of _saefon_? What could Fili say that would explain his hard certainty that his death would not come on the road?

“My brother is too foolish to be afraid.” Kili said through a tremendous yawn. He rolled over on his back, blinking up at Fili with a teasing smile. “Is that not so?” 

“Aye.” Fili flicked an errant lock of hair from Kili’s forehead. “That is it exactly.” 

“I should know better than to ask.” Bilbo snorted and got to his feet. “No straight answers from the likes of you two when you’re working together.” 

“Where are you going?” Kili raised an eyebrow. 

“For a walk or I’ll become rooted to this soil.” Bilbo rolled his shoulders and sauntered away. “I’ll be back.” 

“I think he means to give us privacy.” Fili shook his head. “I wonder if he knows?” 

“No more than Uncle does. They all think of us as one, you know.” Kili gazed up at him, adoration clear on his face. “ I wouldn’t mind it if that were so.” 

“I like this much better. If we were one, then I could not do this.” Fili risked the kiss though the others slumbered nearby. Their precious days were sliding through his fingers like river water. 

“You make a good point.” Kili told him once the kiss had to end or risk becoming more. “And Bilbo asked a good question. Why aren’t you afraid?” 

“Oh, but I am.” He caressed Kili’s rough cheek, his wonderful long neck. “I’m terrified.” 

“You’ve seen it, haven’t you?” Kili stilled Fili’s hand with his own. “Your death. That’s what scared you when we were children. It’s haunted you ever since. And now...it’s soon?” 

“I’ll tell you. When I know for sure. If I think I cannot avoid it on my own.” 

“Promise me.” Kili’s grip tightened to the point of pain. “Promise you’ll tell me.”

“I swear it.” Fili said hoarsely. 

“Don’t leave me alone.” Kili relinquished his hold, soothing the hurt with a kiss. “Don’t go where I cannot follow.” 

Someone threw a rock at them and a hissed request for silence. They lapsed into quiet, Fili stroking Kili’s hair, staring up at the sky and Kili staring up at him. 

It was the same night sky that greeted him days later in Rivendell. The rest of the party, including Kili, had fallen into a deep sleep. Even Thorin was hard pressed to find a need to keep watch in such utter peaceful silence. That they would wake early and slip away was a foregone conclusion. 

Yet Fili did not sleep. He waited. 

Gandalf appeared in vestibule, one finger beckoning. Fili slipped away as quietly as he was able and followed the wizard up the winding stairs. She stood, silhouetted in the moonlight, fair and slender as a birch tree. 

“My lady.” He bowed deeply, awed in her presence. 

_Fili of Dain’s line,_ her voice slid silken through his mind, _one who sees in the water._

“Mithrandir.” She said aloud. “It would be best if my visit came as a surprise to you.” 

“Of course.” Gandalf retreated, leaving them alone. 

“Come, sit beside me.” She took a seat at the emptied dinner table. This close, he made out the faint smell of a babbling brook and newly grown green things. She turned her hand upwards, exposing the danity softness of her palm. “Give me your hand.” 

Reluctantly, he placed his road dirtied fingers into her unblemished skin. The filth didn’t seem to bother her. Her other hand fell over his. A chill flew over his skin, violent and sudden. In it’s wake, he was utterly calm. 

_I see the dark shadow that lies over you._ Her voice soothed and irritated at once until he felt half-mad with it. _If you were an elf, I would say that the Elune has sought you as a great wiseman, a guide to all people. If you were man, I would say that Melkor intended you for prophecy, so that you may lead man into the coming Age. But I do not know the workings of Aule. What does it mean for a dwarf to have such vision?_

“Up until now it’s mostly meant a pain in my arse.” He flushed when he realized he’d spoken aloud. “Sorry.” 

_Don’t apologize._ She sounded amused. _I have lived too long to be offended by rough language. I can see how this would plague you._

“It’s only...I’ve seen this.” He tried to call the image up in his mind. She plucked it from him, sharpening the focus and looking at it with a detached calm he would never manage. 

_So ends the line of Durin._ She pursed her perfect lips and blew, the image dissipating like smoke. 

“I don’t want to die.” He licked at his lips, finding them chapped and peeling. “But I can resign myself to it. It’s Kili. He’s so young still and...”

 _I know how your heart lies._ And now she was definitely amused. _It is not so shameful a thing between elves. We live very long lives and love many times. Any union that creates joy is considered good._

“Gandalf said you could tell me how I could stop it. That the future isn’t fixed.” 

_Mithrandir thinks much of me. Some of it I am worthy of and some I am not. What I can tell you is this,_

“There will come a moment,” outloud her voice lost some of it’s grandeur, but gained a warmth that he appreciated, “when you will know that all of history rests in your hands. Whatever you choose to do next will change not just your family, but all of Middleearth.” 

“How will I know what the right choice is?” He swallowed hard. “What if I make the wrong one?” 

“Wiser beings have asked that question and heard no reply.” She lifted her hand from his, drawing away. “You can only do your best. Either way, I think you will find yourself relieved of your burden once the choice is made.” 

“Does that mean-” She was gone. “Thanks for that then.” 

When he crept back to his pallet, Kili’s eyes glittered in the dark. 

“And where were you?” He asked, lifting up the blankets. 

“Got lost looking for the bathroom.” Sliding in beside his brother, Fili tucked himself in close. “Big place.” 

“Pretty though.” Kili yawned. 

“If you like that sort of thing.” 

They crept away in the morning like thieves. Or maybe they were thieves. Fili was sure that some silverware had made it into packs, along with a few other odds and ends. Halfway up the path, the back of his neck prickled in warning. He looked over his shoulder and saw Galadriel standing on rise. She was little more than a pale smear against the dawn, raising her hand in silent farewell. Self-consciously, he waved back. 

“Who was that then?” Bofur asked, jogging Fili’s elbow. “Did you make a pretty elvish friend?” 

“No.” Fili thrust his hands into his pockets. “She’s no one.” 

“Easy then, lad.” Bofur winked at him. “Only joking.” 

Kili was safely ahead, caught up in conversation with Ori about some technical matter or another. 

“Bofur, if something...if I can’t. You’d keep an eye out for Kili, wouldn’t you?” 

“Course I would.” Bofur’s eyebrows went up. “Did you spy something in those elven waters?” 

“Nothing like that.” He lied. “Only it’s been more dangerous than either of us planned. And if something were to happen, I’d like to know that someone kind was looking out for him.” 

“We all would, lad, we all would. Our Kili will never stand alone while someone in the company draws breath. Nor would you for that matter.” 

“Thank you.” He found a smile for Bofur somewhere. “I’m only being ridiculous anyway. We’ve come this far after all.” 

“It’s a dangerous road.” Bofur shrugged. “Thoughts are bound to come to one’s mind.” 

They did make it as Fili had known with iron certainty they would. Through spiders and elves, barrels and Dale.The weeks spent in prison passed easier for him than anyone else though Kili did take some comfort in his surety. If anything, Fili found the cell comforting in a strange way. As long as they lingered there, they were not growing closer to Erebor. With Kili close to hand and the world holding it’s breath, it was as close to peace as Fili could hope for. 

And then Bilbo rescued them and Erebor was no longer a smudge in the distance, but a very real presence above them. They camped in the mountain’s shadow and Fili’s sleep became a shattered memory. At night he took watch after watch, savoring the cool air and keeping one hand on Kili as if he would disappear otherwise. 

As the days went on, Smaug’s death a single shrill victory cry that soon changed to shouts that heralded war, the knot that never left snapped taut around Fili’s heart. Often he found himself rubbing at his chest as if to loosen it. The battle was coming, the tang of copper and gold itching at his teeth. 

“...wargs and goblins.” Gandalf arrived one night, the warning passing through his teeth before a greeting. “All must align against them. There is no more time for petty posturing.” 

Before Thorin began his posturing, before the long ranting and feasting and gathering of arms, Fili knew what the next day would bring. He gripped Kili’s arm and dragged him away, down a dark corridor. 

“Tomorrow.” He told him, there amid the ruins of their ancestors. 

“What happens?” Kili put his hands on Fili’s waist, drew him close until their foreheads pressed together and their breath mingled in the stale air. 

“Thorin falls in battle. We stand between him and the oncoming army. The army wins.” 

“Uncle will not go into the battle.” 

“He will. In his heart, he knows it’s the right thing to do. And we will go with him because we aren’t cowards to wait behind, even with this foreknowledge.” Fili held Galadriel's words tightly to his heart. “But there will be a moment. I believe that. Our moment. This does not have to happen.” 

“And what should we do until then?” Kili kissed him, soft and pleading. 

“They will notice if we don’t join them.” 

“So they will.” Kili plunged his hands into Fili’s hair, drawing it back so that he could kiss the fragile skin of Fili’s temple. “If this is my last night then how else could I ask to spend it?” 

They created a bed of musty carpets and coats. Fili laid Kili out below him and made a feast of his skin as if he could ward off the coming day with only his lips and fingers. They were raucous, too far from the rest of the party to worry about noise. Kili repeated Fili’s name over and over, a plea, a prayer and a promise. 

“My Fili,” he said even as they lay spent and sprawled, “my brother, my love.” 

“Always.” Fili kissed the gorgeous curve of Kili’s shoulder where a few faint freckles sometimes roamed. 

When they woke, hours later with no sense of if it was dawn or midnight, all was deceptively silent. The world had taken in a great breath, waiting to release it in a gale. Fili kissed Kili with everything he had, then pulled on his clothes and stamped into his boots. The inhale would not go on much longer. 

The others were already awake as it turned out, watching the outside through slits in their impromptu barricade. 

“Look well, boys.” Thorin clapped them both on the shoulder, drawing them near. “See the enemy march.” 

The goblins did not look like the ravening horde that chased them blindly through their cavernous kingdom. They marched in ranks, wore clanging spiked armor and carried rattling spears. Wargs paced the rows, snarling and hungry. In front of them all was Azog, standing heads above the rest. 

The men of Dale and the elves of Mirkwood stood opposed to them. Even in their shining breastplates, astride stags and horses, they looked no match for the goblins. 

“They’ll be slaughtered.” Bofur murmured. “Before our eyes.” 

“Aye, along with our kin. Can you not hear them coming?” Dori pointed and sure enough, there was Dain’s army, circling to the side of the Dale men. 

They turned to Thorin as one. He regarded them somberly, then nodded once sharply. 

“We ride out. With the armor of Erebor, even we few will make an army.” 

They moved as one, a somber parade into the armory. Thorin took the lead, approaching the stand that held the King’s armor as fine as any the elves wore. The armor that would allow the ragged sword of Azog to pierce it. 

Fili picked up a helmet as if in a dream. He rubbed his sleeve over the dusty metal until it gleamed. In the warped reflection, his face gave way to the battlefield. The sword. Thorin’s raise arm. The end of them all. 

“No.” He dropped the helm, ignoring the startled looks the noise drew to him. He tried to speak, but the words froze in his throat. It was as if Mahal himself had stayed him. Fili took one step and another, but the air grew thick fighting against him.

That was when Fili sensed them. They pressed in at all sides, overwhelming him, making it hard to breath. _Little one, let us in let us in let us in_ they chanted. Fili thought of Galadriel, he thought of Kili and Thorin. Releasing his fear, he opened his hands and his mouth. 

_I welcome you._ They flooded inside in a great wave, rocking him back on his feet. 

“Thorin Oakenshield, listen well for the warning comes only once,” the voice was not Fili’s though it filled his throat, “if you wear that armor into battle then death will come to you. The line of Durin will end today. Take up another breastplate and another helm.” 

“Who speaks?” Thorin demanded. 

“We are the _saewatch_.” Fili’s eyes rolled back. For a brief beautiful moment, there was nothing of him at all. He saw no vision. He was the water, an endless ocean of it. “We waited for you to return. Waited in your sister-son, in the good stone of your homeland. This is our last task. Our last breath and it is done.” 

It left him as quickly as it came and he cried out with the loss, falling to his knees. Tears, free and unashamed, poured down his cheeks. Galadriel had spoken true. The _saefor_ was gone from him, leaving a tearing emptiness behind. 

“Fili!” Kili shook him roughly. “Fili, look at me.” 

“I can’t.” He groped in the darkness until he found familiar fingers. “I can’t see anything at all.” 

“The spirits have blinded him!” The hilt of Dwalin’s axe beat against the floor. 

“It will return.” Already patches of light were making themselves known. “It was like looking into the sun and the spots are already clearing. Help me to my feet, brother and bring me armor. I can fight.” 

“Don’t be a fool.” Kili hissed. “What good will you be if you cannot see?” 

“I will see. I will step upon that battlefield.” Fili grinned, all bared teeth and malice. “There is vengeance to be wrought. Now. Help me or leave me to do a poor job of it myself.” 

In silent reprobation, Kili brought him armor. Between the two of them, they managed to get the plate in place and his swords in his hands. He followed the heavy thud of Kili’s greaves upon the rock. 

“This is no battle.” Nori whispered. “It’s a slaughterhouse.” 

“Bring down the wall!” Thorin cried. 

Fili listened as the great boulders fell, taking with them goblins and wargs. The sun pierced through, light suffusing his fuzzy vision. The call to arms, the thundering horns and the screams of the fallen rent through the air. It was battle and there was no turning back. 

Through the bloody clang of sword on armor, Fili’s sight slowly returned. He saw enough to keep himself from being struck down, enough to gut a goblin that would have taken Kili’s arm. Always, he heard Thorin, but he could not see him. All he could do was try his hardest to survive. 

“Azog has fallen!” Dwalin shouted what might have been minutes or hours later. “Thorin has taken his head!”

“We’re winning!” Nori laughed almost hysterically. “Mahal bless, we might yet live to see the setting sun!” 

A small familiar voice, thinned by distance and fatigue washed over the mountainside, “The eagles are coming! The eagles-” and then a sharp cry falling into silence. 

Fili went on swinging his blades and piling bodies up until he could barely hold onto the hilts, so slick with blood were they. It was nightfall when he could see fully again and the last of the goblins retreated to lick their wounds. It was Fili who went among the bodies left behind and insured that each had truly left the living. A grim, but necessary job. 

“Stop now.” Kili came to his side. “You’ll fall asleep among them soon and I’ll not find you until morning.” 

“We are too diminished to risk attack from someone playing dead.” He wiped a hand along his forehead, frowning and the sticky feeling he found there. 

“Brother, we’ve won. Come away now. Come away and celebrate that we’re alive.” 

“Alive.” Fili repeated dully. “We’re alive.” 

“Your _saewatch_ friends saved us all. The line of Durin did not fall here today.” Kili’s smile was startling in its joy. 

“But so many more have.” Fili cleaned his blades in a miraculously untouched patch of grass. “Men, elves and dwarfs all perished here today because of us.” 

“Because of greed.” Kili corrected. “This isn’t our fault.” 

A sharp groan reached Fili’s ears. He crossed through the limp goblin bodies, tracking the noise. Kili moved soundlessly behind him, caught by the same sound. A small hand poked out from behind a boulder, twitching a little. 

“Bilbo!” Kili sheathed his swords and ran to the hobbit’s side. “Are you all right?” 

“I sat beside a fire once.” Bilbo blinked very slowly, breathing labored. “And I asked why you were never afraid. Fili...” 

“I’m here. So’s Kili. Hold on and we’ll get you some help.” Fili ripped off his left glove, so he could take Bilbo’s hand in his own. The hobbit’s fingers were cold. Too cold. 

“I’m not afraid now.” Bilbo smiled vaguely. “It isn’t so bad. I’ll sleep awhile.” 

“Don’t go to sleep.” Fili demanded. “Listen to me, you must not sleep!” 

“There’s nothing to fear, lad.” Bilbo’s eyes drifted shut. “There’s a white shore and beyond that...such green things.” 

“Stay with me. Come now, Bilbo!” Fili’s throat burned. “Wait at least for Thorin! He would wish to make amends before you go.” 

But it was not to be. Bilbo Baggin’s had spoken his last with only Fili and Kili to hear him. It was Fili who bore the body from the ground. Already tents were rising up to care for the injured. He made to carry Bilbo there to lay among the other slain heroes. 

There was the faint tinkling noise of metal on stone. 

“I have it.” Kili ducked down and returned with a plain gold band. “Never saw this before.” 

“He probably took it from the treasury when Uncle started carrying on. Bilbo deserved far more than that.” Fili swallowed hard. “What fools we can be over nothing more than coin.” 

“I’ll return it to the hoard.” Kili slipped it into his pocket. “It won’t do him any good now.”

As they walked down to the tents, the others of their party joined them. An informal funeral parade that ended at Gandalf’s feet. Fili laid Bilbo down as gently as he could. 

“He deserved more from us.” Fili said, quietly enough that only the wizard would hear him. 

“Perhaps.” Gandalf knelt down, pressing one hand to Bilbo’s chest. 

“I changed it. This isn’t...it didn’t need to end this way.” Fili stared down at Bilbo’s slack face. “This is my doing.” 

“No more than it was Thorin’s. Or my own.” Gandalf took off his hat and mumbled a few words, before rising once more. “I will bring the word back to his family. I do not find a need to linger here. Thorin awaits you, Prince.” 

“Thank you. For everything, Gandalf.” 

“There is nothing to thank me for. I did you no favors.” Leaning down a last time, Gandalf took Fili’s face in his hands. “I do ask one of you though.” 

“Whatever is in my power to give.” 

“Remember today. Remember how you feel now. One day you will be King Under the Mountain and a King who has remembers his first battle as pain and bloodshed instead of glory will not so readily look for it again.” 

“I can promise that.” 

“We will meet again then.” Gandalf dropped his hold and turned away. He spoke not another word to anyone as he left. 

The sun was nearly up again before Fili could rest. There were negotiations to be had, treaties to be written and the next few months would be a delicate dance as the three races made peace among them. Begrudgingly, Thorin agreed to yield up the owed treasure. In return, the men of Dale pledged to help rebuild the fallen halls. Through it all, Fili remained silent. The years would come when he spoke with authority at such meetings, but they were still far distant. 

Thorin was King. All was as it should be. 

“Here.” Kili found him as the last meeting broke for everyone to eke out what rest was to be found. “I’ve secured us a tent.” 

Exhausted and hollowed out, Fili stumbled along beside him. As they went, soldiers of every race bowed their heads. All Fili could think about was the small bedroom that he had once shared with Kili. He wished that this walk would lead him there, under the eaves with their mother and father bustling outside the door. 

“Do you miss home?” He asked Kili, but the question came out in a mumble and was lost. 

Their tent wasn’t large, but someone had laid down warm furs and there was a smooth porcelain basin fill with clean water. Fili shed his crusted armor outside, content to leave it to rust. He slumped next to the basin and started into the clean cool depths. No picture moved over the surface. 

“They’re gone.” He wished he had the energy to laugh. “It’s all gone.” 

“What do you mean?” Kili dipped a clean cloth into the water, then set about cleaning Fili’s face with tender care. 

“I see nothing.” He gestured to the water. “That eye has gone forever blind. Thank Mahal. It’s over.” 

“I’m glad of it.” Kili kissed Fili’s forehead where he had already wiped away the grime. “Now be still, so we may be done with this faster and sleep.” 

They were still very dirty when they laid down on the furs, but their faces and hands at least were respectable. Outside the sun was rising on a new day. There was a King Under the Mountain again and his line of succession was strong. Erebor would rise again. 

“I love you.” Fili drew Kili to him, tangling their legs together. 

“My Fili.” Kili kissed his forehead again. “My brother.” He kissed one cheek. “My lover.” The fullness of his lips. 

Fili sighed gratefully, slipping into sleep. Kili kissed him once more, very softly and whispered, 

“My precious.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can also be found yakking and reblogging here: http://dragonmuse.tumblr.com/


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